did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
