Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
