every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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