could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
His hands were made for my vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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