meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
