So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
