Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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