How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She's the barista slut.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
