Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
