She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
