I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
