there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
