In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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