How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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