You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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