I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
