Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
