my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
