Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
