I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
