I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
