Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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