I like my sex mixed with concussions.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
