I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
