youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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