Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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