Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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