after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
