I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
