So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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