Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
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