So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
