I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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