Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
