R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
