I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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