I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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