TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
