Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
