It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
