I wannas sexs uuuuu
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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