is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
