Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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