i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
