I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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