4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
