Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Ladies don't puke and tell
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
