Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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