Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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