Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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