It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
