Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
