I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
